Guided
By the stars
I am guided
By the unknown
I am led
By the concrete
I am governed
By the ethereal
I am ruled.
I step through the doorway
Looking for
What is not there
Knowing it is not time.
I glance through
The window
Hoping for presence
Aware that
It is futile.
I sleep uncomfortably
Cursed with visions
Of what I desire
And what I detest.
I am guided by
Knowledge of nothing
And feelings
For everything.
I look to the sky
In darkness and light
And I see rays
Either minute
Or overbearing
And seemingly
Always misleading.

Sin
I look outward
Knowing it is futile
I look inward
Knowing it is tainted
I look around
And observe my demise.
Should life be
So complicated
Should love be
So convoluted
Should questions be
So rapidly dismissed?

I crave that
Which I do not deserve
I want
A focus
For which I claim
I beg for
A reason
That will concede
To me
Anything
And everything
Worthwhile.

I want a chance
To live
Nonvicariously
Through others.
I want
Sanctity
I want
Expression
I want you
To stand before me
And accept…
I look outward
Without a reason
I look inward
With illusions dashed.
I look ahead
Writhing in
The agony
Of my indiscretion
I look behind
Avoiding my sin.
I look around
Knowing
I never had a chance
Regretting
I moved too late.

Ride
So I have been shown
The ultimate way
So I have seen
The moment of bliss
In a world of agony
So I have known life
And its proper rewards
It still does not mean
That I am involved in it.
The momentary glimpse
Of reason
In a storm of chaos
The tantalizing touch
Of happiness
In the turmoil
Of utter despair
The reticent offering
Of love
In the maelstrom of hate
Does not include
Me in the intimate realms
Of the bonded
Nor does it signify
A minor hope of resolution.
Much guides me
But little allows me
To choose as I wish.
So much
I have been shown
That it drives me to
The utter brink
But apprehension
Always brings me back.
For without the promise
Of a fate more kind
What would be
The purpose of breath?

Moe’s
I blow out the flames
One by one
Extinguishing what
They once meant.
The room darkens
Until mere will
Allows me to see.
So I have snuffed
The symbolism
I have abolished
The reason for my
Continuance
Yet I feel uncleansed.
Should the light
Be dampened
By fevers lamenting
Or should the glow
Remain
To haunt
And forever taint
The darkness
In which I abide.

Art
The pupil dilates
So much that
The iris is almost lost
But the color is there
The direction is there
Even if the design is not.
Beyond what
May be truth
Lays the path of learning.
Is all as it seems
Or is it merely
A diversion of light?
Between science
And spirit
A medium exists
Though I have yet
To find it.
An eye shows
What is wont to see
But is it correct
Or just another
Phantasm for my
Beleaguered psyche?

Catcher
The ground trodden
The air breathed
The words spoken
The flame given.
Each and every one
I have partaken
Willingly
And by majority
Yet I still want more.
The world as I know it
Is superbly dense
The world as I have
Learned it
Is excruciatingly open.
If I could just find
A proper guide
Through this maze…
The ground is trodden
Air is breathed
But life is neither
Welcomed
Nor denied
It just is.
And I
Want to know why.

Lift
So many things in life
Are demanding
So many things
In life
Are damning.
To lift beyond
The boundaries of
Reality
Requires more than
An ability
To cover truth
But an acceptance
Of its impenetrable
Defense.
Actions may warrant
Impressive displays
But life decrees
That resolution
Is unreachable
And choice is
Unavailable.
To this
Knowledge demands
That purpose
Is never denied
Regardless if
Intuition is damned.

Inability
Between the absence
And the delayed meditation
Lies nothing but answers
For the misuse of opportunity
And the taint of inability.
I bludgeon all I know
I harass all I intercept
I sullenly eye
Anyone I know
I will never be
Worthy of.
From then to now
Nothing appears more
Than futility
And deplorable inability.
I choose to change
I want to amend
But I am never more than
My lowly capacity
To inflict what is wrong
While hiding what is right.

Step Into
A step into the unknown
A step away from reality.
A leap of faith
If you will
If faith was an answer
Or even existed.
But after all alternatives
Have been exhausted
Faith must become
The one hope left
If survival can remain.
Faith in life
That it somehow
Has to be better than it is
Faith in love
that it does exist
Just waiting to be found.
Faith lies in
Knowing that surely
Everything see and heard
Cannot all be false.
I step from the darkness
Into more darkness
Still waiting for faith
To show me the light.

Red Dawn
I watch the horizon
Waiting
Anticipating
Eagerly the answer.
My eyes hone in
My ears prick up
As I seek erudition
Then the lightening strikes
And the rain pours
Cleansing me
Of my unnatural daydream.
I watch the horizon
Waiting for redemption
Believing the storm
Heals me
As the morning dawn
Does not.

© 2009 Ravenai